Who Springs Into Cleaning?

By: Knight Pierce Hirst

If I ever run for political office, I'll pass a law that requires spring cleaning to be postponed until winter. Why waste days of blooming flowers, invigorating air and sweater-wearing temperatures inside the house - especially inside a dirty house. After being elected by a landslide, I'll spend my spring cleaning up politics.

Each year I know it's time to do the seasonal scrubbing and shining when there's no room left under my sons' beds for them to shove stuff. Another sign it's time is that a prize-winning, science project has grown on the walls of the boys' bathroom. Okay, the Tidy Bowl man has jumped ship and the NCAA wants to play a football game in the living room and call it the Dust Bowl.

Although thinking about dust makes my throat dry, the refrigerator isn't the place to go for a refreshing drink. What's in the pitcher is either leftover, green beer from St. Patrick's Day or the New Year's Day bloody mary mix has gone bad.

If my family would work together we could finish the cleaning before Easter. If we don't, the Easter Bunny won't have to hide eggs. We can look for the ones he hid last year.

What can't be hidden is the fact that the men in my life are pack rats. They never throw anything away. When we moved to Southern California from the East Coast, my husband brought the snow shovel. The books that won't fit in the bookcases are stacked next to them. Just giving away the self-help books that didn't help would be a help. My roller blading, skate boarding sons don't have bicycles anymore; but we have two tire pumps and a bike rack.

It's hard to believe how much junk can accumulate in a year. Some is stuffed in drawers, more is "stored" under the stairs and there's still more in the closets. The linen closet is the worst. It's the one with a borrowed, bright yellow, "Beware of Falling Rocks" sign on it.

Frankly, I don't think we can polish off this job without reinforcements. Send in the Salvation Army and send it with Good Will.

No, I've got a better idea. I'm going to have a bunch of "Vote for Knight" signs made to stick in the front yard. I am going to run for political office - for the House of Representatives. It's got to be easier to spring clean.

KNIGHT PIERCE HIRST takes humorous looks at life. Take a minute to make yourself smile at knightwatch.typepad.com

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