What Would Change If I Ran The World?

By: Knight Pierce Hirst

If I ran the world, I'd outlaw rap music because - it isn't music. It's negative, violent, police bashing, women debasing, trash talk. It's the kind of talk that would have gotten my sons sent to their rooms for an extended period of time. This, of course, would have been followed by complaints that such treatment was unfair - but maybe that's where rap comes from - from boys thinking they got a bad rap.

When I see a car with an array of dents and scratches, I think bad driver - but maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the drivers of those demolition-derby-dropouts are just unlucky victims of others' motoring mistakes. If I ran the world, drivers would get a notch in their license plates for every accident they caused. The more notches in a license plate, the more we'd know to avoid that car - thus reducing the number of "cartastrophes".

In 1956 the Department of Agriculture introduced the four, basic, food groups - meat, dairy, grain, and fruits and vegetables. In 1992 the groups were revised and presented in the shape of a pyramid, with fats, oils and sweets at the top. The pyramid itself was revised in 2005. Fats, oils and sweets were removed and dairy was changed to milk - but it's still not right. There should be four, basic food groups; and they should be canned, frozen, prepared and take-out.

Then there's politics. Everyone knows politicians bend the truth in their speeches. They tell people what they want to hear and what will get them votes. I would subject politicians to the Pinocchio Test, which would make their noses longer when they lied. This would make it much easier for voters to choose candidates and I don't see why the candidates would be opposed to this. Don't they all have a nose for news?

To avoid noses that were so long that politicians would trip over them, I would require politicians to put both hands on the Bible when they were being sworn into office. That way we could see if their fingers were crossed.

Of course, if I ran the world, I'd change the way politicians are elected. I'd eliminate the Electoral College and super delegates. I'd eliminate the possibility of candidates winning because they had the most delegates - as apposed to having the most popular votes. One person, one vote - isn't that the way we vote for American Idols?

KNIGHT PIERCE HIRST takes humorous looks at life. Take a minute to make yourself smile at knightwatch.typepad.com

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